Lots of Insignificant Words

I don't understand why his mom doesn't like me. I don't want to humble brag but every ex of mine's mother loved me. But his is different. One night I stayed the night and didn't bring sleep wear but I was wearing shorts under my dress so I used that as shorts and she gave me a speech of how it is inappropriate to wear those in public or in her house. I could understand wearing them in the house but that was the only thing I had. jeez. And I told her they were work out pants which they were and then I just listened to her and held my tongue. After she left I had told James that I felt it rude and uncalled for her to say that to me. About not to wear anything that is to showy- like she thought I did that All the time- which I don't. So he talked to her and I thought it was okay until yet again today she called me out saying what about my house rules. First off what house rules? Second off i'm wearing J Crew shorts and my mother was with me when I bought them. I've worn them everywhere and they are perfect going out/everyday use shorts. They are not short short like slutty girls that I see wear. I am a tall girl that has long legs and arms so it may look short on me but that's just how it looks. I stood my ground today saying that these are my shorts that I wear everyday. She also has a rule for no shoes in house. So i take my shoes off when entering and put them on when leaving right by the door. I saw Lucy's bowl needed to be filled with water so I took two step to go to the bathroom to fill it up and hear his mother say no shoes in house. Mind you I've seen James go to the bathroom to fill up her water while his shoes are on and he doesn't get yelled at. But the moment I go she calls me out on it. She is rude and is always poking her nose in others people business and that just is not right. You lead your life and I lead mine. You are not my mother so I don't appreciate you telling me what I should wear. Maybe if she knew me for like a few more months then yeah sure maybe she could give me suggestions. She also asks a lot of personal questions which I don't mind answering. But she always asks the same ones. It's like she wants to store information for later to gossip to her friends about. James and his dad agrees that Its not her place but the dad doesn't say much but James tells me that it isn't right. She can be a very nice person but often then not i'd rather have her as an acquaintance then to have her as third mother. I even helped her clean the place just before James's grandparents come over after only knowing his family for less than a month. So now I'm just trying to stay out of sight out of mind type of thing.

Those Two Lines

So I was starting to freak out about the whole pregnancy thing so James and I went to Walmart and I got the three in one test kit. Then we went to Dunkin' Donuts and got some yummy food. I took the test and as I was waiting I knew I was over thinking the whole thing but a part of me wanted to see those two lines. I got my hopes up for someone I just met and have only been dating for a little under a month. I felt different about wanting a child with him. It was not sex driven it was real love. So when I saw the test stripe confirming that I was not pregnant my heart dropped slightly. I was disappointed in the result I got. Why? I should have been happy to know that I did not have to care for a child that I did not have money for and that I was still in school. But part of me was already thinking of if I did... I had a dream again.. I went to the bathroom to see the test and in my dream it said that I was indeed pregnant. I think in my dream I just wanted something to happen so I let it. That previous dream of one positive, two negative were just all in my head- nothing more than that. Not a sign or anything just something I wanted but then again I would have to make all these preparations for something I did quite know how to take care for. And now I done writing but James is looking at me. So I should be done.. But one last thing.. I love when he strokes my belly it's as if I was expecting it to be positive and I think that's why I got my hopes up. I will take the other two strip tests within a week apart from each other just to be sure.

ummm

Last night I had some sexy time with James. I may or may not be preggos. We shall see.

Dreaming about Us

Also, I had a dream last night that  I was pregnant and I took three pregnancy tests to make sure.

I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUTH HIM

Yesterday at precisely after we got up we had sex 3 times. The third one was amazing as he came inside me and I felt incredibly connected to him. I realized I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. The second time we did it I cried at the end because it was the most amazing feeling in the world. To love and to be loved in return. To feel absolutely no pain and to enjoy it completely. I am sharing with him something that I have never shared with anyone else. I feel much closer to him now then ever and I wish to only make him happier from this day forth. I do not wish to cause him any harm and I even bought him lunch yesterday because we both were very hungry after what just happened. I love him and cannot wait to live with him. It will be a decent time until we do because we each have a year to complete school. But when we do graduate I will want to move in with him. He also asked me today if I wanted a pot with two to three sunflower plants in them. I said yes, they would look good against the wall in the back yard. We shall see what happens.























Also, I am spending a night with Kaitlyn tomorrow and on Thursday or Friday I will see Rachael whom I have not seen in a very long time.