This Dream is Very Important

I was in the Aspen Hill Club indoor tennis courts (Age:24). The campers were coming in and I witnessed seeing my sister Alex but younger- maybe around 7. I was asking everyone what year it was. I asked some of the young people warming up and even Will one of the tennis camp counselors feeding the ball. Someone said it was May 12, 1961.  I told them that can't be right because my sister, Alex is here. I asked her when she was born but I replied 1987. Then I went to the calendar hanging on top of the water jug. I was between courts 4 and 5. It said 2001. But that still didn't make sense. And then I saw myself walk in. She wasn't looking at me but I knew it was her. She had the short hair-shoulder length with those crooked bangs, t-shirt, shorts and high socks with sneakers and those deep dark brown eyes. She was smiling and as soon as I saw this I just sat on the ground and started crying heavily. Then I realized what the date was. She looks to be around 3 or 4. It has to be May 12, 1991.

(It makes sense in the dream but when I do the math as I am typing this it doesn't add up right. But I will look further into this. I think this dream was real and I want to know more. Did I enter another realm?)

Then I looked up and saw my Dad standing there young or how I remember him with his AHC grey tennis shirt, black shorts and his curly black hair. I got up immediately and it seemed like I clanged to him like a magnet. Instant tears flew down my face and he hugged me just as hard. I could even feel his tight stomach. I said "I miss you and and I love you" and whispered "why did you have to go. I don't want you to go. It's not the same without you."

(Or at least I thought I said these words. They could just be what I wanted to say.)

That moment of us hugging each other seemed like a life time. And then it was gone. The courts were empty and I was standing where the windows were. There was a cloaked man, whose face I could not see, standing there with me. He told me to "sit down because it is the end of the dream and you have to go and wake up now."He gently placed his arm on my shoulder to sit me down on this rolled up sheet and then he disappeared. But I didn't want to wake up. I had to find my dad and ask him just two more things that are very important to me.

(I woke up to an alarm clock or something, but I never set one for 8 o'clock at all. But I immediately went right back to dreaming. I was next to the windows on the first floor-It was like I teleported.)

There were people behind the front desk and a lot of people standing around the wooden tables. And then laid on the floor I saw a bunch individual miniature cupcake holders with different fruit (blueberries, strawberries, etc. inside and I started collecting and eating them. Then I saw my dad walk by and I asked if he could pass me the banana looking one. He gave it to me.

( I didn't think to ask him what I needed to ask, which thinking about it now, why didn't I?)

Then I walked around the corner to the office. Passing the copier room I heard, "she shouldn't be here" but kept on walking to the office.

(Now that I think about it I think they were talking about me not being in this second dream I created.)

I walked in and saw Sarah there. "Hi Sarah, look what I found!" She looked at me like I wasn't supposed to be here either but I don't remember if she said it or thought it but went onto to saying she was trying to untangle these fruit garland. They were these giant looking fruit like strawberries hanging on a wire. We were sitting at the desk to the left of dads desk when an older shorter lady walked in. She said she needed those fruits now and so Sarah handed them over and the woman said to "come with me" so I did. Back in the lobby she gave me part of the garland and put the other half around her next (the fruit dried up looking old and slightly moldy) and told this younger pimple faced girl "you can go now, I don't need your help anymore." I could see it was because she was less prettier than me but thought that was rude. Then I saw my dad again or I felt his presence near me and instantly we were back on the tennis courts. Only it was just me and him.

"Dad, I need to tell you something it's important." I knew he wanted to say I wasn't supposed to be there either but he stayed quiet. "Is James a good for me? Do you like him?" He responds, " Who is James? Is he the one you're seeing right now?" and I shake my head yes. He says, "I think you two are a good match."

( I'm taking that as a blessing- when we get to that part in our lives.)

Then the court around us starts blurring and fading but I had to ask him one more thing. "Can you please help me graduate? Can you please help me get good grades and pass my final year of school?" And at that point he is a blur too but I think I remember him saying "yes."

The dream ends and I instantly start crying. Crying and trying to remember all of my dream. Trying to remember exactly what he said to me word for word. Crying because I miss him and crying because I saw myself. I never dream of myself younger. I never have remembered any of my younger childhood dreams. But there it is. Me, Alex was even there. Crying because I hugged him so very tight and crying because I actually got to see him again-once more and got to speak to him and him speak back to me. When I uncovered the sheets from my head I felt instantly bed rested and peaceful. Happy even. I looked at the time and saw it was 9:11. Nine eleven or Nine-one-one. I wonder if that means anything either.

I am happy that I had this dream. When I least expected it to come. Last night I was cranky, nauseous/sick feeling with my body I didn't know what was wrong with me. I was scared and was taking it out on my mom by being rude to her. But I told her I didn't like her telling me to do chores when I was feeling like shit and because I was going to do them tomorrow (today). But for some reason I feel whole again. Whatever sickness was in my body, I hope it left for good. I need to start turning my life around. This semester is going to be good. I believe in that a little because I feel my dad will help me in a pinch. He will be there with me in spirit.

UPDATE ON LIFE 2014

I just wanted to update and jot a few things down.. The last post looks sad and well this one will have its moments but I wanted something new to write about.

-School has started.. and guess what three weeks in and I completely did not know I had Bio class every MTWF. I thought I only had it for MTW and because of my stupid Lyme brain I missed two or three classes. I was talking to James on the phone about an upcoming Test for that class. It will be held on a Friday.. Sure enough I looked on the syllabus and immediately felt stupid, shocked and baffled (same meaning i know). Then I went on to thinking what if I forget in the future an important date, a wedding, a birthday something that will affect another person or the chance between a new job interview or a major life crisis and I just completely forget. Like it's erased from my memory completely. What if I get Alzheimer's-  I don't want to get it. I would not like to not remember my whole life!  I met an old women from Boonsboro Days who had it. She was petting Lucy the whole time and was so intuned with just Lucy while the rest of the world went on. She seemed peaceful and very nice but I would not want to live the rest of my life not knowing who my family was or what life I lived! Like the NoteBook. . It would be so upsetting to one day out of every few years know that I had that disease. I pray that my Lyme will heal on its own.

- I have gotten sick yesterday and today. I felt nauseous and weak and jittery and couldn't figure out why. I skipped out of two classes because of this. I looked online and it might mean that I could have low blood pressure. I hope I do not and will now bring many small lunches with me so I can eat them throughout the day. Hopefully this will fix it. But if it happens again, I will go to the doctor to get it checked out. When I told my mom this she just told me what I should do. She wasn't being a mom. All I wanted her to do was to listen and tell me everything is going to be alright. But she just said you need to take your medicine while watching the news on t.v. All I want is comfort from her and I can't even get that.

-I've gotten sad like crying sad, and negative when James isn't here. And he's only gone for part of Tuesday, all of Wednesday and part of Thursday. Which is next to nothing because I love to have my alone time and in which I have been cleaning when he isn't here and going to my tutors. But when he is here I just eat him up and Love him every second. He is my one and only and I am so happy I found him so young. Before him I thought I would never find him but I'm glad he came into my life because I need him most now. This is my time to shine and it's very challenging to stay focus and do well. I'm constantly going between being depressed and saying how I won't pass college to saying I will pass college as long as he is by my side. I love that he understands me COMPLETELY and I am not afraid to be myself around him and be gross around him (haha). He is MY EVERYTHING. I cannot wait to call him all mine with a ring around our fingers and a roof over our heads. He means the world to me and I Love Him! and he absolutely Loves Me! None of this second guesses.. It's pure and true and real and I love that I have this in my life right now. And Lucy means the world to me to and I love her like she is my daughter and I have never felt that way about an animal before. :) We are the perfect happy family and I am SO blessed to have them in my life! :))