Life is Not in my Favor Today

It seems to me that wether or not I have a boyfriend this time of year i still manage to fuck up the beginning of the school year. I study but come in late because I over slept from studying and can't take the damn test. What the fuck? They say I can't do a make up test even though I never did took it to begin with

LISTEN DON'T SAY A WORD. DON'T YOU HAVE EARS? WILL YOU HEAR MY SCREAM?

Why won't anyone listen to me??!!!!! All I want to do is talk! Vent out my frustrations or just talk about something I remembered when I was a kid. But every time i open my mouth someone either interrupts or doesn't hear and and starts talking about whatever they want to talk about. I want me time! I listen to everyone else's shit all the time and now it's my turn but no one can hear me!

I'm a very good listener when someone needs to vent their life but now I'm craving attention because I don't have a boyfriend to do that this time of year like I usually did and no one in my family I feel like is caring. They don't listen. They can't just sit down and have a chat.

I also am having a hard time with my general science homework and my brother is usually the person to help me because he "doesn't want me to be stupid" but today he decided when my homework is due online in ya know 2 hours that he is going to let me do it all by myself. That's why he is a tutor! TO help! I don't know this material and have my first test on wednesday. I tried doing it on my own and got 4/10 right and there are two parts and only got one right on the other. The others I have no clue what to do. Times up! I fail! Great! I fail at life and communicating to people. I fail at cleaning my room and having a social life. I fail at my job only making 30 for the night when I should be making more than that and I fail at working more hours. I fail to have a father figure in my life and I fail at finding homes for 5 measly little kittens. I fail at eating right and exercising more often. I fail at sleeping and I don't fail at doing things last minute, running late or just barely on time. I fail at having someone criticize me right now. Usually I don't care but now EVERYTHING hits home. I get emotional easily and cry often.  I NEED A FRIEND. IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK FOR? I NEED SOMEONE TO HEAR MY CRY FOR HELP WHEN I DO OR DON'T ASK IT. I NEED SOMEONE TO WALK AND TALK AND JUST BE normal for a change. I need a break from lies, deception, negative people, clutter. I need controlled chaos if anything. That way I'm at least organized. I need to get rid of shit I don't need. I need to get rid of this agonizing anger I have towards people and towards myself.

The pressure is on. All the young people are having kids and living a life and then ending it quickly or just starting early. The American Dream. The picket white fence. A decent Income, pets, maybe a married life. I WANT THOSE THINGS. But I am stuck in school, being too young, to not control of what I want in my life. I want and need a lot of things. But I can only start with nothing. I am getting nowhere in life besides graduating college in another 10 years and living with my mom for another 10 years and not having my own place, car, pets, baby, husband. A Life. Money sucks ass and we should all go back to trading shit. I hate being poor and not being able to afford needs and wants and to just to be happy. You don't need money for happiness they say. But yes you do. To have a roof over your head and a full belly of food and warmth from a blanket. Everything needs everything else all to survive and be human.

Sisters

Screw them. They give you shit because you are younger but really they are the younger ones. They say "you can't come with me because I would have to babysit you" Really? I think you are the one that needs babysitting. She drinks like a fish and tells me I'm the one to be watched. She doesn't own a home or even an apartment yet she thinks she can own the world which is bull shit. She never hangs out with me anymore and I've had it. She's not worth it anymore