Lyme- Never thought it was possible

October 3, 2012 at 12:45pm I found out I have Lyme Disease. What do I do now?

People and their Technology

I want to get away from it all because I feel by having a phone in my hand and a lap top at my hip I am lazy but learn information if I wanted to fast. But lately I have been wanting to get away from it all. Like right now I'm writing about this on my app blogger on my phone before class is about to start. I feel like a phone freak but what can I do about it? Besides to put it down and learn something for a change.

Hate is such a Strong Word but I Don't Care

On different days both my brother and sister say, "Don't talk to me I don't want to hear you and your opinion." All I want is someone to listen to me. Not that they want to never communicate with me. They never do anyway!!!! So how am I supposed to grow a relationship with anyone if I can't even grow one  with my family first!

Things is All I can Categorize Nothing with.

As the news on t.v. plays in the background to my life, my mother on sitting on the couch, my cats by her side I suddenly feel so alone. Even with everything around me I feel different, like I don't belong here. The computer, my phone, room, things just seem so foreign to me. Why do I even need them to live? The answer: I don't. They are all just things to help make me either feel better, secure, happy, sad, depressed. All of those things that shouldn't be part of my life but are. So each day I have been getting rid of something in my room that doesn't mean anything anymore. I've been getting rid of the past or things that has caused anger or sadness in my life. I put away my clothes on the ground and already I feel a difference. I feel stronger even though I am weak from having a fever all weekend long. I now realize "I don't have to be strong to feel strong"-Into the Wild quote.

Sadness in a young girls eyes

Head aches. Hot and cold. Who cares anymore? No friends. No one to console in. Everyone in their own worlds. I want someone to care for me. I don't like being alone. I want someone to hold me tight and tell me everything's going to be alright. Not telling me through a text or telling me to do it myself. When I'm sick I like to be babied. Cause when I'm not I know I have to man up and go through life anyhow but when I'm sick I want to put my life on hold just for a moment.

I can't focus on my homework. I can't focus on anything except for my headaches and negative people and people that won't show up or call me for a short hello how are you phone call. All negative things are swirling in my mind and it is bugging me that I am letting myself do that.

I am angry at people I hardly even know. I was trying to hang out and to better know this person but they have made an excuse every single time I've tried to hang out. And part of me knows I shouldn't think or act like that but the other half is asking what did I do or not do? Why should I even bother texting him anymore? If he's not willing to make an appearance in my life. He says ya we will get together but it has never happened. It's been over a month and school is in session and there is homework to be done. And he says he's busy. But the funny thing is when I asked how his day went he says he's been at his buddies house getting drunk or playing video games or celebrating a friends birthday. When I'm sure he could have hung out with me one of those times he decided to get drunk since he's he doesn't drink that often. But lately it has been often and it's pissing me off. I barely know him from a hole in a wall and been trying to know him better as fucking friends but he i feel like he ignores me and I don't know why. He replies days later. So if he wants to talk to me he can start the damn conversation. Cause I'm done trying to be nice when I get no love back.