"If it's broken, fix it."

I am bored with my life. I figured out that I will not drop out of college, that I will graduate, but I want more to life. My hair is not red enough and it is too straight. I want some volume to it. My body is skinny but I want to strengthen it so I am going to Yoga once every week. I am tired of getting my period every other week (exaggerating slightly) so I am quitting the pill. I am tired earlier and get up earlier. My room is a mess and I still do not have the courage to clean it. When I leave the house I forget to put on my glasses. I didn't used to need to do that but now I do it all the time. I wish I didn't have to wear any type of glasses. I am more sad because of my life going by on routine. I am enveloped in video and pc games to make life seem more interesting. I know I would rather have life than to not have it, but my life is boring. Even with a boyfriend I feel restrained to do what I want. And even though I want to get rid of things, when I look in my room I find nothing to get rid of and right now I am listening to classical music on pandora. When I take off my glasses in a crowded room I feel separated from all of them. I feel sad and distant and feel like they look like ghosts to me. People look at me and walk right past as if I don't exist. I want to exist and to get noticed and to have people take pictures of me. I went to my fathers grave site a few days ago and it's still just a body in a box. The more I thought about it the more I needed to get away from the grave site. The more I listen to this music the more I feel the need to be more creative yet sad. I need to say No more but I feel like I saw it all the time. I want fun but can't risk it with school. I need to make money to support myself in the future but I do not know how. I will figure it out tomorrow I guess. Or the next day or in a few years. I want to explore independently. Where can I go to do that? I need my own thinking place. Where can I go that is quiet, warm, peaceful and inviting? I think of the library but I'd like to be outside. I can't think anymore because the music stopped. Good night.