Update

Update on my life:

I feel empty inside right now. Lots of shit happening in my life and I'm trying to tune it all out. I should however, try to be more productive. I don't know if it's the weather, Ms. Sevan demanding the car or the rest of the money by the end of the year, Julie from work giving me final warnings and yelling at me for questioning breaks or a combination of everything. But I know I have Sophia in my life no matter what. And I have to try to be a better role model for her. It's hard because I just want to be alone for this time of stress but know I have an obligation to meet. Mom has been suggesting common market or Costco and Pedro (my new boyfriend of just over a month) suggesting to be a receptionist while Sophia goes to Pre-K.

I've just been feeling to go on another break from the world, even if it's just for a few hours. I went on a California trip two weeks ago and am itching for adventure ever since. I was born to travel, to learn new things and to find meaning and purpose through this chaotic world. I just need to find the right outlet. I feel as though some days are harder than others. The days when I've done little to actually get anything done. I like the thrill of a new challenge but find it difficult to accept one at this time.

How do I move on? How can I move on? I'm feeling stuck once more and am praying hard that I can find a new meaning, a new purpose again soon.

Right now I just need to focus on the small achievements. It's a lot harder when I stare at a messy bedroom. I've been cleaning here and there today but it just doesn't seem like enough. Nothing ever seems enough. I am merely an object or a body drifting through this space and time right now. I need to find new motivation so I can move forward in this current state I'm i. But it feels so hard right now. My mind feels so blurry right now, like I can't focus on just the basics to survive. I don't know what to do and am trying to search for the answers but just get defeated easily. This isn't working. I need a new alternative to my feelings.