Progress

 I just feel like being sad. All the memories.. When I listen to Joji, I get sad. Listening to that RUN song that made me so angry and sad when he broke up with me.. When he didn't want to be mine anymore.. When he wanted it to end because I felt like he didn't try hard enough.. I feel like that has been almost all of my life.. Me trying so hard and not receiving the love back. Me trying through all of these relationships and not getting any leeway in. I felt like why try anymore? Why go above and beyond for nothing? Why try anymore? What's the point?

Then Pedro killed himself. Overdosed on pills purposely. I was his very last girlfriend. I never thought in a million years that i would ever be his last. That I would ever have someone die.. No, never have a friend or an ex commit suicide.. Never ever........ 

In between all of that though... I met Daniel. . I didn't think me hanging with him would grant anything other than familiarity and comfort. He is sooo tiny to me. Him, 5'6" and me 6 feet. Quiet a difference... But our jokes are quiet the same.. Same cheesiness.. Same values. And to top it off, he is great with Sophia. Better than all my other relationships COMBINED, and that's seriously saying something. I am so grateful for having him in my life when Pedro killed himself and so thankful for all of his help and guidance through my own struggles in life. He has truly been there in my life through all of it and I could honestly not have done it without him. He is my rock. I don't ever want to lose him. EVER. 

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